I did not always believe I would get married.
After two long relationships that crashed and burned in my twenties, I started to feel that something was seriously wrong with me.
It took more than five years to understand that anxious attachment was behind both my choice of partners and my own destructive behaviour in those relationships.
Where it came from
My anxious attachment, like most, came from childhood.
From parents who were extremely busy and did not have the time or energy to give me the attention I needed, which taught me that love is something you chase.
From harsh reactions to ordinary childlike behaviour, which taught me there was something wrong with me and that I therefore did not deserve love.
From a household under so much stress that joy felt rare and unreliable, something that could end without warning.
Those moments, and the conclusions I drew from them, quietly hardened into beliefs. And those beliefs made me overthink every interaction, rehearse breakups in my head, expect abandonment, and fall apart at the first sign of difficulty.
In short, they made it almost impossible for me to enjoy a secure, loving relationship.
Understanding it did not fix it
Here is the part that surprises people. Even once I knew exactly where it came from, I still could not change it.
Not with weekly therapy. Not with journaling, meditation, books, podcasts, or all the willpower I could summon.
There was a part of me still trying to repair what had happened to her as a child. Still looking for unavailable people to hand her the love and acceptance she needed so badly, so she could finally feel relief. And terrified the whole time that it would not come, which would prove once again that she was unlovable and somehow deeply flawed.
I tried talking to her. I tried giving her that love myself. It did not work.
What finally reached her
What changed everything was transformational hypnotherapy, because it let me cross the barrier that had been keeping us apart.
For the first time I could actually get close to her and give her what she needed. I could help her understand what had happened, show her that it was not her fault, and show her that it was over and behind us.
That changed how she felt. Which changed how I felt, and how I thought, in every relationship that came after.
It changed how I felt in my own skin. My dating life was never the same again.
I stopped hoping I deserved real love and started simply knowing it.
Where it led
That knowing kept me steady and content until I met the man who is now my husband, in a relationship that ended in a marriage I once could not picture.
I am deeply grateful I found a way to resolve the thing standing between me and love, so I could have the life I have now.
And I want the same for you. Whether you are single and hoping to meet your person, or in a relationship you wish felt closer and happier, you deserve to feel loved, appreciated and safe.